"To me, you're like... lord of the rings!"

The above was said to me by my good, then-extremely belligerent friend. I'm pretty sure he was paying me a compliment, and I definitely don't know what it means.

Can I just say that drunks, while they can be amusing, can also suck? I went downtown Saturday evening and met up with some friends who had been out for awhile already, and they dragged me on to the dance floor, which I was happy to do. But I was not dressed up for the event, and was wearing flip flops, which was the wrong choice, because apparently drunks drop their tall glasses of beer, and don't pick them up! The club was naturally dark so I didn't see the glass until my toe and the bulk of the glass greeted one another intimately. No big deal, I didn't really think about it actually until I noticed that my foot was slipping in my shoe because there was so much blood. Silly drunks.

I just got back from an overnight camping trip with my girlfriends, which was a blast. We had some issues getting to the final destination that resulted in a lot of off-roading in a Scion tC, i.e. NOT 4WD, but I was getting a kick out of it. The evening consisted of hard cider, very crunchy burritos made over the fire, a bunch of crappy, tasty camp food, and cold. Yes, it was cold; ice = cold, and there was definitely ice on the ground and on
my sweatshirt that I left outside this morning. I don't think anyone slept all that much, but it was a good time. Threw some food down the chute and went on a two hour hike, which was beautiful and refreshing. It's always good to take time to get outdoors and absorb that energy... everything is much clearer when all of the distractions and modern "noise" are dissipated.

That deadlift thing

It's barely 5:00 and I'm dragging. I've not been sleeping enough/very well the past few nights... gonna have to do something about that...

I did a short deadlift workout today. Warmed up with 135 lbs, then tried pulling 275 and wasn't able; I successfully pulled 265 a few minutes later though. Engage the lats, chin down, feet under the bar, get wide in the hips, MAINTAIN TENSION! It's been a couple of months since I've deadlifted, so I was pleased that I haven't lost it at all. Did reps with 135, 185 and 225. The weight felt sort of heavy today, but I'm attributing that to general fatigue. My shoulders started firing after awhile, so I decided not to push it since kettlebells are tomorrow.

Two weeks until I leave for Wisconsin -- what was I thinking??? If you read this Anna, it's obviously because I love you; freezing cold sounds IDEAL!

Walked in the raining dawn

5 AM wake up. Maybe I was too excited about Santa coming to town. Happy Holidays to all!

Regardless, I woke up with my mind full of thoughts. Some of these fragments are about the past, but most are about the now, and what's to come.

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions -- I feel that I earnestly try to resolve my issues and strive for more year round, and tend to be pretty bad about following through when the resolution isn't borne of my own initiative. At this point, I can't ask anything from the coming year. I hope to be firmly grounded in a place of contentment while I continue to push myself physically and mentally. I hope to determine if the study of medicine is what I want to pursue to benefit this world in some way. I hope to be able to go backpacking and trekking in New Zealand. I will laugh a lot more. These are all ideals though, save for the last, which will be.

All anyone can do is live in the moment as it unfolds. Time can be daunting in its relative longevity. I wonder how many more people would be more inclined to carry out their aspirations and goals if they just looked at the journey a day at a time? How much more accomplished would we all be if we just reveled in now? Yes, the journey could be difficult as a whole, or it can be a fantastic challenge. It is all in the perspective.

Even more intimidating is life's nondescript brevity. I don't really need to go into the subject of death, because it's ever-present. Live while you're alive, be dead when you've died, or so some quote by some author goes. Or as Marcus Aurelius said, "It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." Yes, it's cliche, and the idea has been ground so firmly that it resembles hamburger meat more than the valid point that it is. There's a reason it's been so represented: it's THAT important! I wish people would consider the importance of revitalization more than just once or twice a year.

Death seems to be as terrifying as it is be because so many people are not actually living. Of course there will be fear of missing out if you're sitting and waiting for something to happen. DO IT! Make it happen for yourself! Your happiness is of the utmost importance -- so do what it takes to attain it! No, it's NOT selfish to pursue happiness for one's self, whatever it takes. How else can we function from the deepest and purest level of intention and integrity if we aren't grounded within ourselves? I guarantee if you are truly on the path of attempting to attain true happiness, unadultered and unsuperficial, you will be improving the lives of others along the way. Some people make the excuse that they can't escape the confines of modern expectations. Whatever it is that you do within your day, do it with intention. Start with now. It doesn't need to be a drastic alteration of routine and pattern and lifestyle. Be conscious in the way that you breathe, eat, move, communicate, feel. Know yourself. This is your life. Don't waste time being fickle and unwilling to commit to the cause of fulfillment because it's "hard". Live it now.

Primal growl

Life is amazing. I've broken through, and I'm continuing to challenge myself. Kettlebell training, strength and conditioning with bodyweight work, and now BJJ and indoor rock climbing. I'm loving this. Bring it on!

I saw Lamb of God Friday evening with Doug. It was originally going to be Doug, Tim, Jen and myself, but due to various reasons it didn't work out. The show rocked, and moshing was a lot of fun, of course. There were kids in their early teens all over the place though! There was even this ten year old kid that threw himself into the pit and was tearing it up. Pointy elbows at crotch level = devastation. Also a lot of crusty old men, gropers, frankfurtter-headed wannabe bad asses, fluffy-haired trenchcoat wearers... it was an interesting crowd. It was a fantastic time, and hopefully will be happening again in the not-so-distant future. Metal fucking owns.

As I'd said earlier, I tweaked my shoulder in BJJ, and apparently shoving people around at a metal show is not the best remedy... it definitely was not feeling good during KB class on Saturday morning with snatches, so I cooled it with overheard exercises. Thankfully it's feeling much better today, just in time for indoor rock climbing.

I've been working on the tattoo today, personalizing it... if it comes to fruition, it's going to rock.

Quick update

There are few things more absurd than a very conversational dentist who expects dialogue. I think there's got to be at least a little bit of dry humor involved there.

BJJ was awesome today. Two classes in, and I'm already hooked. I keep thinking about it too when I'm not in it; going over the scenarios we learned in class. I keep zoning out though as a result when people are talking to me... oops.

I was planning on doing Rusty's class tonight, but I've just had too little sleep in the last couple of days and as a result I'm really wiped out. Plus I tweaked my left shoulder in BJJ class today. Nothing major, I just think it's probably smarter to not aggravate it.

Gradients

Onward.

Sometimes you just need to grit your teeth and take those steps that will lead you away from the scene of beauty and agony; those aspects that are constantly teetering precariously, vying for dominance over each other, over balance. How much easier it is to be able to assist something, or someone, by directly offering a hand; rather, knowing that the lack of your own presence will be of the most benefit -- stepping away, and relinquishing your hand, your voice, your want.

The last few days have been physically good. Two nights ago I went on a night hike into the mountains, which was excellent. We set a rockin pace, and even in the dark, we made the trip in about an hour and fifteen minutes, which is solid during the day, and got us back to the car just as the rain came pouring down.
Last night was kettlebell class, which was a grinder. A lot of suitcase deadlifts with two bells in one hand, two five-minute chunks of TGUs, and I'm fairly sure I did over 200 swings in the last 8 minutes alone during a partner trade-off. The suitcase deadlifts got me thinking about deadlifts, which I'm hoping to do tomorrow. I miss them.

Today was my first day trying out Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu in Ventura. I'd done some 6 week seminar with some basic stuff about eight years ago, and other than that, I've never done anything martial arts related. I instantly liked the environment and the energy of the place and the people; it's really obvious that it's about the love of the art and sharing the knowledge and experience, rather than getting an ego-boner off of some superiorty trip that you see in some places where revered people teach. You don't get full-fledged respect without walking the walk, and there is definitely respect here. I got the strong impression that this place draws and keeps people that are centered and true. And I had SO MUCH FUN! My other forms of training absolutely came in handy. It's kind of fun to find out that you can heft some guy over 200 lbs. around and illicit a wide-eyed response. I really enjoyed the balance of aspects... and I can't wait to learn so much more. I can see a new obsession being born.

Sidequest of the day: I realized I left home for class without wearing underwear. Who does that? Me. Anyway, I thought: hmm... rolling around on the ground without that = a bad idea. I had colorful possibilities going through my head of what could happen at my first day of class. Since I didn't have time to drive back home and get to Ventura on time, I drove to the nearest place to buy some. Consumerism is a whore, by the way. It's impossible to just buy a pair of panties. Buying three pairs if cheaper than buying one, and if you buy a fourth, you get four more pairs free. Then, geez... you're just wasting money if you don't buy four more. You have to pick the color and the size and the pattern... @#$%! So now I have eight pairs of panties instead of one. And at the register, you're offered several super-duper-special-offers-that-are-unparalleled-in-their-SUPERDUPERNESS! But I just want some panties for Jiu-Jitsu! Two registers malfunction! The panties need to be re-scanned and re-wrapped! No, no, leave the wrapping! No, it's the policy! Thus I concluded, I should have just gone commando, and clothes shouldn't exist anyway.


I know -- seriously crazy.

Multi-faceted gains

It's lovely to be able to just sit and know that there isn't something else looming over your head that you could--or ought to--be doing. It's certainly manageable when it's there, but some time without that pressure is going to be very good.

This week has been one of growth for me in many ways. I've pushed myself to uncomfortable limits in several aspects of my life; dealt with the resulting discomfort; learned from it; and this week, I think I achieved some sort of break through. Maybe not through the area of discomfort entirely, but I'm at a new level of understanding, strength, and self-empowerment. I plan to grip on to this new plane as securely as I can so that I can only continue upward, forward, and not slip back and down.

I'm definitely feeling a bit over-trained, but it was a solid week of training that I'm very pleased about: kettlebells, bodyweight workouts, indoor rock climbing. The legs are fatigued, and anything from the lats up to the neck is beat. I'm hoping to just take it easy today, though I might go on a night hike this evening with some friends to check out the moon in all of its awesomeness.

On another note, the knot up top would be a bad-ass tattoo with some minor alterations. It's linked with the Celtic goddess Morrigann. It's all about goddesses of death, war and fertility!

Anyway, it's not raining after all, and so I'm going to go for a walk. Enjoy the day!

Mushy synpases

Eeee! I'm antsy! I'm antsy! Sitting all day studying for finals! Eeee! I feel a bit like this fellow:

Life has seemed hazy. I wish I had a more descriptive, telling word than that, but that's precisely how it feels. It's like a fog around my peripherals, though the object of my intent is focused and clear. As soon as I look away though, it, too, becomes muddled. When I try to focus on everything at once, whirling back and forth, I feel overwhelmed and nauseous. It's almost like riding on some out-of-control roller coaster that you can't get off of.

There's so much to be done, so much that I want to achieve, and I feel like I haven't figured out what even a quarter of that is. I get caught up in the current conflicts, and I lose sight of what I want to strive for -- or rather, striving to find what I'm searching for.

I don't know. I sort of want to be an adventuring, philanthropic pirate. I guess that's what I'm striving for in some twisted, modernistic way?

And, might I ask, why is showing emotion so often perceived as a sure indicator of fragility and/or weakness? It pisses me off. Emotionally constipated people are the last thing this world needs. Grrr.

Anyway, enough complaining. My workouts have been going well lately. I did the VO2 Max 15:15 protocol with a 12 kg 'bell on Wednesday night after a rather tumultuous day and put out 16 sets. Last night I did Rusty's class, which was great as always, though the carpals in my right wrist started flaring up after a chunk of push-up related exercises. It's feeling fine today, and I'm hoping it stays that way. I'm looking forward to kettlebell class in the morning, it should be good stuff.

And now, finals to study for. Take care, all.