Universal truth

Human connection and interconnectedness. This video made me so happy -- how awesome is it that we live in a world where we have the ability to connect with people from every corner of the globe? The world is so small, and so vast. What an adventure.

Edge

Life continues on. Newness blossoms, routine matures, rubbish rots.

I'm feeling off-balance today for whatever reason. A lot has been on my mind, and I just feel anxious and pensive. I feel slightly detached from myself, like nothing is quite firing properly. Everything's fine, I just don't quite feel it today.

My workout today felt brutal; with two 12kg bells, I did 5 reps of front squats, snatches, military press, clean and push press, and then front squats again, for 5 sets. I'm definitely feeling Jiu-Jitsu from yesterday, particularly in my adductors and quads, and also along my thoracic spine where I was dropped. I'm still really enjoying BJJ though, it provides an excellent challenge and is always a good time.

TGU with the 32kg is stronger each time I do it.

I'm still doing the Warrior Diet, too. I've definitely gotten stronger on it, and I've had several people comment on noticable muscle gain within the last month and a half or so, particularly in my arms/shoulders. I feel good on the diet, my weight has levelled out -- still looking to lose, but I'm relatively content for the time being -- and I enjoy the undereating vs. overeating process, so I'll be sticking with it for now.

A Perfect Circle - 3 Libras

Empowerment

So much has happened in so little time -- where could I even begin?  Life has somehow become a whirlwind of simultaneous... calm contentment?  I don't quite know how to describe the sensation adequately.  There is the constant feeling that something is on the edge, that there's something I ought to be doing or working towards presently, and yet there's a general lack of stress or dread.  I feel very pleased with my current state of busy-ness, though I of course am looking forward to the end of this semester of school.  It feels good to be working towards medical school, and of course, ultimately towards being a doctor.  Where that will lead me, I can't begin to say for certain.

The state of affairs in my life, and in those of many that I know, have put my mind into a space of wonderment and humility.  

The complexity of life's simplicity--the weave of the patterns we sew--everything is within the scope of our understanding, as we've had a hand in creating every moment within our lives.  And life contains a myriad of just these things: patterns.  Yes, it is organic, and flows with each micro and macro decision that is made on each of our parts, and on the parts of those that surround us and affect us; yet take a moment and think about this idea.

How many times have you ever felt compelled to think, "Why does this shit always happen to me?", or self-defeating thoughts like, "Of course, I'm getting what I deserve, because I'm not worth anything anyway"?  I have.  Absolutely.  Doesn't everyone in some way or another?  Maybe you feel like people are always taking advantage of you in various relationships in your life; maybe you get "left behind"; maybe no matter what you do, you always end up feeling alone and isolated, and completely lost.  I don't know.  It could be anything, and most often times because of our nature as human beings, these repeating patterns are so hard.  So damn hard.  And truly, we are alone with them.

The truth is, if you feel like bad things are always happening to you -- they probably are.  That said, you are probably not the victim, either, and most likely played a part in the difficult circumstance.  How fantastic is that?

What I mean to say is this:  Difficult patterns are repeated because they are not understood, and taking the time to understand them can be one of the most empowering things we do for ourselves.  Rarely do we take the time to sit with our discomfort and own it.  Who wants to sit with what hurts, angers, frustrates, saddens, or disappoints?  Perhaps on a deeper level: are we ready to embrace responsibility for EVERYTHING that happens in our life?  This obviously doesn't apply to acts of nature beyond our control.  Certainly everything else we involve ourselves with and manipulate with our energy in some way applies, though.

It's a scary concept.  Everything that happens to us is because of us in some way.  It's so incredible though if you think about it.  Yes, owning up to "mistakes" or "failures" is hard, but very empowering; and taking even more joy in all of the good in life is immensely beautiful.  Everything is such a gift.  Taking this deep breath that I am, deep into my belly, and releasing it -- it could so easily have been otherwise.

We all have scars.  We all are imperfect and flawed, and no matter how hard we strive, we will never attain immortality of life or character.  In that though, we are all organic, and we are all exactly where we need to be in our growth.  We are all so young, and infinitely wise.  We have the answers that we need, it's simply a matter of listening and appreciating our own strength, perfection, and innate wisdom.

I think I've talked about something like this before, but I wanted to write about it again since it seems like everyone is going through something.  It's Passover tonight, and I'm sitting with my family for the seder; it should be a few hours of Jewish tradition that can be tedious, but has been such a part of my upbringing.  This tradition has made my family as close as it is, and for that, I'm extremely grateful.

Kettlebell madness!

The relativity of the passage of time is something that will be forever mind blowing.

I've been keeping busy, as usual. The last few months have been some of the fullest of my life to be sure. Yet they've also been some of the happiest and most fulfilling.

I'll post a more detailed blog tomorrow. For the time being, here's a slideshow of pictures I took at last night's kettlebell class.

Santa Barbara Kettlebell Class - 4/6/09