Walked in the raining dawn

5 AM wake up. Maybe I was too excited about Santa coming to town. Happy Holidays to all!

Regardless, I woke up with my mind full of thoughts. Some of these fragments are about the past, but most are about the now, and what's to come.

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions -- I feel that I earnestly try to resolve my issues and strive for more year round, and tend to be pretty bad about following through when the resolution isn't borne of my own initiative. At this point, I can't ask anything from the coming year. I hope to be firmly grounded in a place of contentment while I continue to push myself physically and mentally. I hope to determine if the study of medicine is what I want to pursue to benefit this world in some way. I hope to be able to go backpacking and trekking in New Zealand. I will laugh a lot more. These are all ideals though, save for the last, which will be.

All anyone can do is live in the moment as it unfolds. Time can be daunting in its relative longevity. I wonder how many more people would be more inclined to carry out their aspirations and goals if they just looked at the journey a day at a time? How much more accomplished would we all be if we just reveled in now? Yes, the journey could be difficult as a whole, or it can be a fantastic challenge. It is all in the perspective.

Even more intimidating is life's nondescript brevity. I don't really need to go into the subject of death, because it's ever-present. Live while you're alive, be dead when you've died, or so some quote by some author goes. Or as Marcus Aurelius said, "It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." Yes, it's cliche, and the idea has been ground so firmly that it resembles hamburger meat more than the valid point that it is. There's a reason it's been so represented: it's THAT important! I wish people would consider the importance of revitalization more than just once or twice a year.

Death seems to be as terrifying as it is be because so many people are not actually living. Of course there will be fear of missing out if you're sitting and waiting for something to happen. DO IT! Make it happen for yourself! Your happiness is of the utmost importance -- so do what it takes to attain it! No, it's NOT selfish to pursue happiness for one's self, whatever it takes. How else can we function from the deepest and purest level of intention and integrity if we aren't grounded within ourselves? I guarantee if you are truly on the path of attempting to attain true happiness, unadultered and unsuperficial, you will be improving the lives of others along the way. Some people make the excuse that they can't escape the confines of modern expectations. Whatever it is that you do within your day, do it with intention. Start with now. It doesn't need to be a drastic alteration of routine and pattern and lifestyle. Be conscious in the way that you breathe, eat, move, communicate, feel. Know yourself. This is your life. Don't waste time being fickle and unwilling to commit to the cause of fulfillment because it's "hard". Live it now.