On the exciting new, the begrudged old, and the in-between

Hello, hello, dear friends and distant bloggers of the world. It's been quite some time since I've shared a word; about ten months, it appears. Why have I been so remiss in keeping my blog up to date?

I could say it's because life has been incredibly full (it has); that I've been busy planning for Doug's and my wedding that is to be in just under 3 months (which I have); that I've had enough going on that I haven't had the time to sort my thoughts and sit with them long enough to write them down (somewhat true); or that training, while still very important to me, has taken a place on the back-burner a couple of times to make space for huge life-altering events (true, too).

All of these things are very true, and they are all valid reasons that I could back up. But I won't. What's the point? I don't like making excuses; it always feels a bit like I'm short-changing the truth. That's not to say that I never do, unfortunately, but... why do it here?

Words are wind. Words are precious. Words are twisted and beautiful and slimy and stunning and weak and powerful. Words are our means of conveying a world of delicate emotion, deep truth, subtle subjectivity. And I, in the midst of so many HUGE events and life-changes, have been remiss in translating the background music that is ever-present during this tremendous dance.

So there is that. This is now:

Wow. I am getting married in 75 days, to an incredible man that supports, loves, and cherishes me in ways that I had only fathomed were possible for myself before him. Am I incredibly excited? Hell yes. Am I a little bit scared? Oh yes. Not for the reasons you might be thinking, though. Before now, the idea of permanence in my life was dedicated solely to those people and matters that are involuntarily assigned to you when you enter this world -- family, for instance. Thankfully, I utterly adore my family, and count them among my greatest blessings in my existence. But I choose Doug. I am choosing to be with him throughout all the days of my life, and I am a little bit scared of the fact that I am woman who is not completely clear on the stuff I'm actually made of.

But, then again: isn't that part of the journey? You find someone who's very good at supporting you while you try to find that secret part of yourself that has all the answers, and knows exactly what your life is and should be. More than that though, you find someone who inspires you to never stop looking for it, and who you will help on that journey every day of your, and their, life.

What a profoundly powerful thing to find... and I am humbled all the time by Doug's love, support and patience with me as I stumble when I'm not doing such a great job at flying.

This being a training blog as well, I will share about my journey in that realm.

I still love lifting heavy things up and putting them back down again. As I said above, it has taken second lately, and that speaks to where my heart and energy have been. I have not been striving for any PRs or tremendous feats of strength; but I lift heavy things up and put them back down again, and I enjoy it. I am surrounded by strongwomen and strongmen who are propelling forward into new territories of incredible strength that require extraordinary focus, diligence, and supreme discipline to achieve, and it is IMMEASURABLY inspiring and impressive. As I have shared in none of these qualities lately, I have not shared in the goal-shattering feats. And this, I have taken to heart.

This has been an immensely important lesson for me. Normally, I will try anything once, but if I am not great at it naturally, I tend to want to drop it and move on to something I am good at. Because of this, I have no completed the Iron Maiden Challenge like I set out to do, and, if I'm being honest, I'm a long way off from it. Why? Because these things aren't my strong suit, and because of it, I haven't been training them as I should. I was born with a strong posterior chain, so I LOVE to deadlift, and I even like swings (heavy ones, that is). I have always been a poor presser, and so I don't press more than a couple times a week -- and guess what? My press is still poor. And when I see others succeeding immensely at what I don't excel naturally in, I feel further unmotivated to be better at it because it doesn't come effortlessly to me.

It's a quitter's attitude, and it fucking sucks. (Whew -- that took a bit of effort to write. Ugly weaknesses are... ugly.)

I have learned SO much from the RKC community, about training, proper movement, rehabilitation, health, attitude and heart. However, some of the greatest lessons I have learned are these: I know next to nothing compared to the many wiser, more experienced individuals that our community consists of; I am not even half as strong as many of the men and women who are my friends, are; I have a lot to learn about mental fortitude and the limitations I can take my body to;

and--above all else--this is absolutely OKAY, so long as the acknowledgement of these things isn't the end of the journey.

Life is a blessedly organic continuum of events, matters, things, people, choices; there are hundreds of thousands of tendrils sprouting from each person's being, branches upon branches bursting from the trunk of a life that has seen countless possibilities come and go. Many of these branches are truncated, because we choose not to nurture them with our energy. Sometimes this is a good thing; we all know there are poisonous situations in our lives that are best unexplored, or best cut loose. There are so many times though where we could create something truly beautiful, something exquisite and uniquely us, if we had only given a little more and tried a bit harder to go beyond what was comfortable.

Nothing grows without sustenance, and nobody's nurturing will be as appropriate for your needs as your own.

And so, here I am. I look at the title of my blog and have to smile, because I know I must have named it thus with a deep, subconscious understanding of my ironic pitfalls.

And so, as I feel myself blooming and exploding forth into new, uncharted territories, with a myriad of options, adventures, fears, hopes, tribulations, successes, all laying quietly quivering with unexplored potential, I find myself turning towards those stunted, stagnated stumps that I have fearfully abandoned before, and feel myself giving to them in a way that I hadn't ever done before. It will not be an effortless thing, giving of myself to these things I've long neglected, nor will it be without its bumps -- but here is my intent, spoken in a time of great change and great opportunity.


And truly, what better time is there than now?


(I want to thank Katherine C., who wrote me an email without having ever met me or knowing me and inspired me to write again and get my ass in gear.)

40 Workouts

So today marks week 4 of 8 of a program outlined by Dan John and Pavel Tsatsouline, which is referred to as Even Easier Strength.

The idea is to do a minimal amount of work, 5 days a week, on 5 lifts only. Your workload will vary depending on the day, depending on how you feel -- nothing should ever feel too hard, and you should never fail a rep. Generally speaking though, you don't do more than 2 sets of 5 repetitions.

I am almost halfway done with the program, and so I figured I'd post my results thus far. I will write a thorough review once I've completed the program...

Thus far though, I have encountered noticeable strength gains in each of the lifts/exercises I am performing. I foresee this assisting me in my quest to vanquish the Iron Maiden Challenge next year.

Week One

Day One:

- Fat bar DL: 125 lbs. 2 x 5
- Double MP: 12kg, 2 x 5
- Two-hand swings: 16kg, 2 x 25
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 45 lbs. 2 x 5
- Ab roll-outs: 65 lbs., kneeling 1 x 5

Day Two:

- Fat bar DL: 135 lbs. 2 x 5
- Double MP: 12kg, 2 x 5
- H2H swings: 16kg, 2 x 20
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 45 lbs. 2 x 5
- Ab roll-outs: 65 lbs., kneeling 1 x 4

Day Three:

- Fat bar DL: 135 lbs., 1 x 4, 1 x 5
- Double MP: 12kg, 2 x 5
- One-arm swings: 16kg, 1 x 10r/10l
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 50 lbs, 1 x 5; 55 lbs, 1 x 5
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 5

Day Four:

- Fat bar DL: 135 lbs, 3 x 3
- Double MP: 12kg, 2 x 5
- Two-handed swings: 16kg, 2 x 25
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 60 lbs, 2 x 5
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 5

Day Five:

- Far bar DL: 140 lbs., 3 x 3
- Double MP: 12kg, 2 x 5
- Two-handed swings: 16kg, 1 x 40
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 65 lbs., 3 x 3
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 5

Week Two

Day One:

- Fat bar DL: 145 lbs, 2 x 5
- Double MP: 12kgs, 2 x 5
- Double swings: 12kgs, 1 x 20
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 65 lbs., 2 x 5
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 5

Day Two:

- Fat bar DL: 125 lbs., 2 x 5
- Single MP: 16kg, 1 x 3 r/l
- Two-handed swings: 16kg, 1 x 20
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 65 lbs., 2 x 3
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 5

Day Three:

- Fat bar DL: 145 lbs., 2 x 5
- Single MP: 16kg, 1 x 5 r/l
- Two-handed swings: 16kg, 2 x 25
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 70 lbs., 2 x 3
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 5

Day Four:

- Fat bar DL: 150 lbs., 3 x 3
- Double MP: 12kg, 2 x 5
- Two-handed swings: 16kg, 1 x 30
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 65 lbs., 2 x 5
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 5

Day Five:

- Fat bar DL: 150 lbs., 2 x 5
- Double MP: 12kg, 2 x 5
- Two-handed swings: 16kg, 1 x 25
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 70 lbs., 1 x 4, 1 x 5
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 5

Week Three

Day One:

- Fat bar DL: 160 lbs., 2 x 5
- Double MP: 12kg, 2 x 5
- Two-handed swings: 16kg, 1 x 40
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 65 lbs., 2 x 5
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 5

Day Two:

- Fat bar DL: 175 lbs. 1 x 3, 125 lbs 1 x 8
- Single MP: 16kg, 3 x 3 R/L
- H2H swings: 16kg, 1 x 40
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 65 lbs., 1 x 5, 75 lbs, 1 x 2
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 8

Day Three:

- Fat bar DL: 135 lbs., 1 x 10
- Single MP: 16kg, 2 x 3 R/L
- Two-handed swings: 16kg, 1 x 30
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 75 lbs., 1 x 4, 80 lbs., 2 x 1
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 7

Day Four:

- Far bar DL: 135 lbs., 2 x 5
- Single MP: 16kg, 2 x 3 R/L
- Two-handed swings: 16kg, 1 x 50
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 80 lbs., 1 x 2, 75 lbs., 1 x 3
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 5

Day Five:

- Fat bar DL: 135 lbs., 2 x 5
- Single MP: 16kg, 2 x 3 R/L
- H2H swings: 16kg, 1 x 15 R/L (30 total)
- Straight-bar bicep curls: 65 lbs., 2 x 5
- Ab wheel: kneeling, 1 x 7

More to come...

Posture is equally MENTAL as it is physical.

Training is going well -- my pistols have gotten much stronger in the 4 weeks since I started focusing my training. Very pleased with this... in fact, I dreamed last night about performing flawless, effortless pistols on both legs. So it's in my noggin' to do it flawlessly on both legs! Therefore, I can and will do it. And I will have the 24kg pistol quite soon at this rate.

Since I'm off to work in a bit, I'll make this brief. I was just thinking about posture though.

I've noticed that I tend to slouch much more than I find acceptable: rounded shoulders, tight pecs, stretched rhomboids and traps, among other muscles. It's so important to maintain healthy, proper posture! And not just for the obvious healthful, physical side-effects; it's equally important for our mental health. What are you conveying to yourself and others when you're walking around shrunken in on yourself, as though you have something to be ashamed of or something to hide?

Especially women. We learn early on that if you walk with your chest out, you're probably weighing in too heavily on the hussy scale. And so we walk around with our shoulders rounded over, our chests sunk in, like we have something we ought to be ashamed of. Well ladies -- that's WRONG. We aren't meant to walk around with our thoracic spine in constant flexion, topped off with a chicken neck, or any variation of it. If that were the case, we'd have been born as chickens instead.

Also, for those who tend to sit for long hours at a computer, or anywhere else for that matter: take a look at the posterior tilt of your pelvis that is most likely rockin'. If you've got lower back pain, this is probably why. Get up from your chair every so often, do some fast-and-loose drills, do the hip flexor stretch, move around!

Life's too short to be all bound up, all of the time.

Please: make the commitment to sit up a little straighter, to walk a little taller. Just try it for a week. Who knows? Maybe if you move around and carry yourself with greater confidence, you may feel a direct effect on your mental health as well.

Stop, Start, Continue.

I know I've been quiet for quite some time. Regardless of whether anyone reads this or not, I think there's a lot of benefit in getting your thoughts written down on paper -- or typed upon a screen.

My life has been filled with many of the grown-up worries that have plagued most everyone to some degree. I'm also at a bit of a crossroads in regards to what I want to be doing with my life. Isn't that such a ridiculously daunting decision when thought of as a life-time commitment? It's the only life that I know that I've certainly got! I wish I had all of my own answers.

As a result, my training suffered for awhile there. Needless to say, I haven't been getting to the gym every day to do deadlifts, and, for the time being, 400 lbs is going to have to be shelved. Not permanently; just for now.

I made a pact with a couple other RKCs, two extremely strong women, that the next time we were all together at a certification, we would attempt and crush the Iron Maiden Challenge. For those of you who aren't aware, the challenge consists of 1 military press, 1 pistol (one-legged squat), and 1 pull up, all with the 24kg kettlebell.

My two cohorts can do two of these things; me? Currently, I can do none.

And that won't stop me.

This lit the fire under my ass; ever since the RKC in San Diego at the end of August, I've been training 5 days a week, and have been doing a lot of pistols and pull ups, though not as many presses as I should be doing.

When I started training, I was having trouble getting the technique for the pistol down; now, I can do them with a 12kg counter weight. I will definitely have the 24kg before long.

I am able to press the 20kg now, and largely attribute my inability to press it for multiple reps to lack of confidence. I believe it's largely mental. I know it's in me to press the 24kg -- it will be more of a mental battle than anything.

The 24kg pull up will be, by far, the most difficult challenge to overcome. I will need the better part of the year that I think I have before we're all at a certification together again to make this happen.

I'm going to be better about chronicling my progress here. I must be held accountable. Considering Pavel was told about our pact, there's even more reason to give nothing less than my best.

In a lot of ways, I feel I've paused for too long, stagnated too much, in several areas of my life. I feel somewhat defeated, nothing at all like the powerful, inspiring woman that I want to be. I will make it my mission to extend this journey of strength into one of spiritual and mental prowess, as well.

Still training

So I haven't fallen off the bandwagon in regards to training -- just with the updates. :)

I have increased the weight each workout by 5 lbs. as planned, and just deadlifted 225 lbs. x 5 on Friday (which felt easy). I've taken the weekend off, and will be deadlifting again tomorrow. There's going to be a deadlifting competition at the gym Doug and I train at this Saturday, so I think I might do it just for the heck of it, and for the experience.

That's pretty much all there is to say right now. Lata!

I think I found my quads...

But I didn't know I'd lost them.

Day 4

DL: 1x5, 190 lbs.
1x5, 170 lbs.

MP: 3x1, 20kg

Pull ups: 3x1


Day 5 (My lifts felt weak today; I took the weekend off after this to recover)

DL: 1x5, 195 lbs.
1x5, 175 lbs.

MP: 2x1, 10kg
Swings: 3x15 32kg

Day 6 (Here is where I made an interesting connection)

DL: 1x5, 200 lbs.
1x5, 185 lbs.

MP: 3x1, 20kg
Swings: 3x15 40kg


So it occurred to me while I was walking up to the bar to dead lift it that, sometimes, one rep will feel significantly easier to me than, say, the one immediately prior to it. I know that my deadlift form is good, but there was obviously something that was changing ever so slightly between reps.

I found the following:
- I learned to deadlift with my gaze down and in front of me, with a neutral spine. If I raise my gaze up a few degrees, so that my neck is in slight extension, my lift is stronger.
- My focus is in my heels so much, that I forget about my toes. They never leave the ground, but I don't root my entire foot with my intentions. When I grip the ground with my entire foot, my lift is stronger. Perhaps an obvious one, but I've found that my intention alone has made a huge difference -- like when I grip the ground with my toes, my quads fire much, much more. Strange as it may sound, I've never really thought about my quads when deadlifting; I've always lifted from my glutes. I'm curious to see what happens now...

Here we go

Life has been amazingly, immensely, endlessly FULL. It has, for the most part, been filled with one incredible thing after another (RKC in Italy, HKC in San Diego, pouring wine at the wine festival in Paso Robles for my aunt and uncle's winery, motorcycle modifications and rides); and of course, things not quite so fun, like finals. I also recently started working part time as a receptionist at a medical office, so that will be filling time, as well.


Something very cool happened last week. For whatever reason, I have had a mental block against pressing anything heavier than the 16kg. I was fairly certain it wasn't a matter of lack of strength, because I can do a Get Up with a 32kg, and I can snatch the 24kg relatively easily; I have even snatched the 32kg once. So, I didn't feel it was a matter of not being strong enough. I certainly didn't trust myself to press it, though.



A couple of days after the La Jolla HKC, where I talked about this issue with Franz and Yoana Snideman, and also with a couple of the participants, Doug and I went to the gym. I did a couple of sets of 5 reps of cleans with the 32kg, and a couple of sets of a couple of reps with the 40kg, and looked over at the 20kg. I decided it was small. Upon deciding that, I cleaned it, and pressed it on both my left and right side. I've gotten it consistently since. :)

So, now that I'm home for awhile, my training will be back on track. I still have every intention of deadlifting 400 lbs., and here's how it's going to happen:

-My current 1 rep max is 305 lbs.
- I am going to follow Pavel's "Power to the People" regimen. For those of you who are familiar with the different cycles, I will be following the Flexible Wave Cycle. This means I started with weight that I can easily do 10 reps with. I will then perform 5 reps with this weight for 1 set, go down to 90% of that weight, and do 5 more reps. And that's it, for deadlifts, for the day. Each day, I will increase by 5 pounds.
- To complement the pulls, I am doing presses, as well. I am also GTG with pull ups.
-I will also be doing heavy swings (meaning swings with a kettlebell that is ≥32kg).

So far:

Day 1
DLs: 1x5, 135lbs.
1x5, 120lbs.
MP: 5x1, 20kg
Pull ups:
3x1

Day 2 (missed a day, so I added 10 lbs)
DLs: 1x5, 145 lbs.
1x5, 130 lbs.
MP: 5x1, 20kg
Pull ups:
3x1

Day 3

DLs: 1x5, 185 lbs. (at this point, I figured this was a better starting point for me)
1x5, 165 lbs.

MP: 5x1, 20kg (I attempted the 24kg with my right side after the 3rd set; it went up halfway. I'll have to try it again fresh...)

Pull ups:
3x1


I am very, very excited to see where this takes me. :)