All about strength... except for one strange paragraph

I have been perpetually sore since Sunday -- extreme tastiness. My upper back especially has been totally demolished. I was surprised that my abs weren't more sore after the workout at kettlebell class on Monday -- just some twingy serratus stuff! The body is definitely tired, though I'll probably do another KB workout today.

I'm really pleased with my strength gains, which are most notable in my core, my shoulders and upper back. It's really something else to just feel good almost all of the time, as opposed to the other way around -- I still haven't gotten over that. I hope I never do.

I was hanging out on campus yesterday with a guy friend of mine, and we were comparing obscure muscle composition. I blew him out of the water with legs and abs, he beat me with forearms obviously and one muscle in particular ("That's your jack-off muscle -- unfair advantage!") and barely beat me out on rear-delts. We didn't compare triceps, but I'm pretty sure I would've had him there, too. What hit me then is that I'm really up there with a lot of the boys, and pretty damn strong for a woman. There's a lot more to do, but I allowed myself a moment to pat myself on the back. Leaps and bounds of progress from lots of hard work, frustration, pain, tears, sweat and sometimes blood, but ALWAYS exactly what needs to be done and a journey that will hopefully never end!

Side note: last night my girl friends and I were looking online at different bedroom-appropriate costumes... ahem... and were finding some great stuff before stumbling across man lingerie. Now, don't get me wrong, if they could figure out how to make really sexy man lingerie, I'd say GO FOR IT! Maybe they have, and I just haven't seen it. But a man-thong with a fuzzy elephant head and trunk placed over the junk is just not my idea of sexy, for some odd reason. Admittedly, I'd probably have a very memorable laugh if I was confronted with one. I'd totally post the picture of it if I wasn't at school right now. Bummer, huh?

Anyway, back to the point for a minute. I think what people tend to disregard when they consider getting into better physical shape is that not only will they look and feel better about themselves, but their entire mentality will be more positive, especially when you're eating healthy and giving your body exactly what it needs. When people are in-tune with their body and really get it, they understand that it's more than just an art of sculpting one's body -- it's also an exercise for one's mind and mental strength. Somehow, it can even become a spiritual practice. Our body is our haven that harbors the essence of what we are, and if we don't care for it everything else starts to lose structural integrity, too. Who and what we are is all conjoined in some perfect balance that I hope to figure out to the very core.

What a trip!

(And I'm doing THIS again in the next month or so):

Quiet, quiet...

This has been a lonely sort of week. No family, friends aren't available or are evasive, empty house, and a bunch of homework and real estate people acclaiming the worth of home.

Isolation's nice, but I need time to connect with people, too. I don't like this. I'm trying to be present with it and do my own thing, but after five days it gets almost exhausting. I don't like to think I'm dependent on other people to be happy, but I do know that I crave quality interactions. Anyway, I need to drop down a bit before I give a massage in an hour, shift gears... get over it.


But hey. I guess let's put things in perspective. With spectacular visions of beauty like this in your hometown --


--things can't be too bad.

Where's the bear-skin rug!?

It's been a long, full day, and all I want right now is a e-fucking-normous cup of hot cocoa with gobs of whipped cream, a big sweatshirt, a roaring fireplace, and yes -- a bear-skin rug at my feet. Fake, of course. This is not toooo much to ask for, right? ;)

Woke up at 6 AM after having a gnarly nightmare. I dreamed that I went to visit a friend's dying relative in the hospital -- don't know who the person was, I think it wasn't really anyone I know-- with his little kids. The person in the hospital bed was a very old woman, and very naked. She had some kind of energy coming out of her in a strand, like some kind of sci-fi lifeline, I guess. Everyone is standing around, very somber. Then all of a sudden the lifeline is corrupted by a red energy that shoots into her, and as my friend shouts "NO!" the woman on the bed sits bolt upright, eyes wide open, and screams some otherwordly scream. She then proceeds to dispose of the friend and the two kids in rather gruesome ways, and flees. For some reason I've got a gun, and I riddle her full of holes, but it does nothing and she turns to me and jumps at me -- and then I wake up. AHHH! Where the hell did THAT come from!?! o_O

Anyways, I feel relatively accomplished:
-Went to English class, owned it
-Went to lunch with a friend
-Came back to parents' house, found a photographer here taking pictures for when the house goes on the market. Ended up helping him out for awhile.
-Had a heart-to-heart with myself, straightened some things out
-Worked in the garden
-Gave someone four piercings today
-Went to Rusty's class, awesome times
-Rushed home to show around prospective buyers of parents' house
-Laughed at McCain's acceptance speech while cooking dinner

I guess that's really all. I'm getting my hair re-dyed tomorrow, and I'm not sure if I want to do black and purple again or black and dark blue. Hmm... oh, the dilemmas of life! Life's rough.

Phew.

Ahhh, so much to do, so much to work on, so much to improve! This is the way of things. To reach one's fullest potential, there is no ceasing. That doesn't mean don't have a good time -- just don't stagnate. Never stagnate! Except for Winston. He lives in perpetual stagnation and gets away with it. He can drive a car while stagnating:Hmm...

Well, getting off topic. Life is a ceaseless journey of self-exploration, self-awareness and self-improvement, all so we can live life as fully for ourselves and others as is possible. And I do mean for others AND for ourselves -- both are important.

I'm am nearing the point of bumping into Procrastination -- someone whom I've avoided quite well so far. Ta-ta for now, have a lovely evening!

Pre-bed sum up

I'm headed off to bed, but I wanted to share a couple of things I'm pretty stoked about:

1) First day of school was fine. I sat down in my first class and had the feeling like it'd only been a few days since I'd been in school last, and not three years. I also felt a bit of dread... but I'm just going to own it, power through it, take in all the knowledge that I can and stay on top of it. Pushing through situations that aren't necessarily desirable helps to build strength for big situations.
2) My body feels fantastic. Great workout tonight, and I feel vitalized and energized after it -- I was totally dragging before it. I also feel much more buoyant. There's so much great energy there during the workout and the chill hang-out sessions afterward. Everyone there is just fantastic, and I'm grateful to be part of that in any way.
3) My new laptop came today, and it's loverly! This is officially the de-virginizing blog. Pop!
4) I've been feeling pretty down intermittently. So here's what I've decided: I'm going to try and keep my thoughts as positive as possible as often as possible, even if I have to fake it sometimes. That's not to say that I'll be perfect about this, and I certainly don't want people pointing fingers at me; I'm going to do my best and this is my own personal challenge. Positive thought definitely directly contributes to positive interactions and positive outlook. I am my own mentor in the end, as well. Gotta do what I gotta do!

Hope everyone has a great night/day -- cheers!

Nerves 'n stuff

My first day of school is tomorrow. I'm looking forward to being a student again and to being pushed intellectually and mentally in that way... I'm kind of nervous too. It's been three years since I've been in school! That's so strange to think about. I feel that I spent that time very well though, and I'm going to totally own this.

Gonna do a workout with the 'bells and lounge afterwards with my book in the sun. Yum yum.

Interesting encounters

I don't even know how to begin this post. I can't think of a good first sentence for whatever reason. I guess this'll do.

Something I just want to share: A friend of mine contacted me out of the blue on Tuesday and gave me a mission to get out of the house immediately and do something I'd never done before. I'd been thinking about how people are so afraid of other people -- how often do you walk down the street and people avert their eyes so they don't meet yours? So I went downtown with my little brother to the farmer's market with a 'Free Hugs' sign and gave free hugs to whoever was "brave" enough to get one. It was awesome! I gave hugs to people from all over the world -- one woman was from Portugal, another family from Chicago, a girl from New York, another couple from London, another from Argentina. Some people commented on how fantastic it was that we were doing what we were doing; others wanted pictures; and then others were just so grateful for a hug. One elderly man I gave a hug to, when I asked how he was doing, he sighed and said, "Oh, better now... thank you so much, I really needed that," and truly seemed the better for a simple hug. How easy is that?

A gentleman came up and gave me a hug with his sister in mind, he said, and my brother a hug with his brother in mind. He was a bit scruffy, looked like he might be homeless, seemed like a nice guy. He started talking about how he's the Comedic Priest for some underground church, and how he's going to destroy Hollywood with his own movie making... okay, that's fine, high ambitions are good. He asked why I was doing what I was doing, and I told him that we were trying to get people to step out of their fear and just realize that coming from a place of openness and love is the way to go.

"Yeah, but hate is real good, too," he says. I told him that I feel hate is just fear that is so vulnerable that it requires an emotional furnace to keep it alive. All of a sudden though he turns real aggressive. "Oh is that so, huh? You know SOOOO much. Who are you, some guru and I'm your pupil? Who are you to tell ME shit?!" I told him I wouldn't dare to presume to be a guru of any sort. "Oh, haha, look at you! Trying to be wise and shit. Hate is POWERFUL, fuck love! Love doesn't do shit for anyone but FUCK YOU UP! So FUCK YOU and fuck your love!" I told him that I wished him well with that mentality. He gets in my face. "Oh, now your passing judgements on me, huh?" Turns to the farmer's market. "LOOK AT HER JUDGING ME! SHE LIKES TO THINK SHE'S COMING FROM LOVE, BUT SHE'S JUDGING ME!" He turns back to me and I seriously thought he was going to try to hit me -- at this point I'm already on my guard and in a stance to be able to defend myself. At this point I would really have loved to crack him in the balls, but that would've been sort of against what I was down there for, haha... so I just tell him that I'm not judging him, and I'd like to keep the energy positive so if he could please go on with his day that would be awesome. Now, I'm proud of myself at this point, because what he says next makes my eyes almost pop out of my head. "You know what? You're Morgaine, and I've met Guinevere, but I'm fucking Lancelot, so you and I have a rivalry, don't we?" Um, no, I don't think we do, actual-- "Fuck you and your love. You're just a woman. You like to think you're so great, but in reality, THE IGNORANCE OF WOMEN WILL BE THE DEATH TO ALL MANKIND! You're SO damn ignorant, you're all scheming!" and he continues to spout off shit even after I've turned away from him. He finally starts walking away, taking people aside and pointing at me and saying that me and my kind will be the death of all.

To be honest, this interaction just bummed me out because, hell, I wonder what happened in his life to make him so damn bitter? How does he justify trying to deface what I was doing? (I'm thankful that he left my brother out of it, at least -- my inner mama bear would've had to kick some ass.) Anyway, it was obvious that he wasn't quite right in the head, and I've heard enough derogatory statements about women that it was less than a shock.

Take responsibility for your own emotional baggage, man.

On another note, RIBBON DANCING FINALS! As much as I like to bag on ribbon dancers because, c'mon, ribbon dancing... they really are pretty fantastic. Those girls can bring their feet up to their faces from behind while dancing. That is insane!

Oh and, I can snatch a 24 kg 'bell now for reps -- suh-weet. I also came across some pictures from a couple of years back and I couldn't believe the differences I've made. I love carrying muscle, and this leaning down process has been amazing. I do swear by KBs now whenever anyone asks me what it is that I do to train... my arms, quads, glutes, and especially my core is more solid than it ever was when I was just training with free weights at the gym. AMAZING stuff, I can't get enough of it.